2013-4-10
Troubles in David’s House
2nd Samuel 13:1-14:33
I Like Father, Like Son 13:1-39
II Absalom, Absalom 14: 1-33
Carmine “The Snake” Persico, was born in 1933, in Brooklyn, New York, the son of a soldier, in the Genovese crime family, a notorious mafia gang. When he was still, just a boy, Carmine’s father encouraged him to become involved in a life of crime, by helping him to lead a group of thugs, who were committed to terrorizing their neighborhood ----By the time Carmine was 17, he was put on trial for murder, but his brother confessed that he was the actual murderer, before Carmine could be convicted.
In his early 20’s, he had earned his way into the position of, “divisional leader”, in the Colombo crime family. His responsibilities, were exactly, what we think mafia- hit-men’s responsibilities, are---murder, extortion and fear.
Carmine’s nickname was “Immortal” because, throughout his whole career, he survived 20 gunshot wounds, from the hands of rivals, in his own family, and in the other crime families. His face even bore a distinctive scar as the result of one of those wounds. Over time and through a series of gangland murders, Carmine eventually became the godfather of the Colombo family.
In 1986, he was finally convicted of murder and racketeering, and was sentenced to 139 years in prison.
What makes this story, like the one in 2nd Samuel, is the fact, that when Carmine was 21, he fathered a son, named Alphonse, who was nicknamed “Little Allie Boy “ and who, with Carmine encouraging him, to follow in his footsteps, was raised in the very center of the blood-drenched, mafia life-style.
Alphonse became deeply involved in the Colombo family’s underworld activities, and as a result, he went to trial with Carmine, in 1986, and was convicted of racketeering.
But, while Carmine continued to serve out his sentence, in prison, Alphonse was released in 1993 and after only 6 years, became the acting head of the family.
In 1999, though, he was convicted of illegal gun possession, loan sharking and money laundering.
And in 2004, the federal prosecutors were able to make an old murder charge stick-----and his sentence was changed, to life in prison------
so, currently, both father and son, are living out their lives, in federal penitentiaries. Carmine is 79 and Alphonse is 58-----
The lives of the Persisco men, serve as a perfect testimony, to the power of a father to be able to influence his son, for good or bad. Following his own father’s example, Carmine not only became involved in a life of crime, but he exceeded his father’s involvement-----and then Carmine set the example and encouraged Alphonse to get as deep into the mob’s world as he was, and Alphonse, in turn, went on to exceed even Carmine’s involvement. The influence of each father led to his own son’s eventual downfall.
It’s hard for us to look at David and his sons and compare their likenesses to the Persico family---but the truth is, there is very little difference. David was a great military leader and an excellent politician and a charismatic king and a deeply spiritual man, who loved God, above all else, but he was a lousy father. He was permissive and dismissive and only, peripherially involved, in his children’s lives-----
and his sexual misbehavior, provided a pattern, that was imitated by Amnon, that stated the beginning of the end, of David’s kingdom, which fulfilled Nathan’s prophecy, as God’s judgment against David’s sin.
I Like Father Like Son 13:1-38
These passages of scripture can be difficult to digest-----if this were a movie, it would definitely be rated “R” and I probably wouldn’t want to see it! This isn’t a “happily–ever-after” story, with a fairy-tale ending-----it’s a story, about what happens in real life, to real people, when God is not at the center of their existence and His laws are not obeyed.
The events that happened in this murky segment of David’s life, in many ways, raise more questions than they do answers-----3 specific questions, jump out, right away-----1. How did all the conflict go on under David’s nose, without him knowing and doing something about it? 2. How could David, have been such a man after God’s own heart, and been such a negligent father? 3.Why did God, who had made it clear that David held a special place in His heart, allow such devastating consequences, to rock the lives of both the guilty parties----and the innocent ones?
We can speculate, and discuss, the answers to these questions, all day long----- but the truth is, only God really knows the answers, and only God knows the end results, that He wants to accomplish, and only God knows, how everything, that happens, will all fit into His plan.
But, it’s reassuring to know, that God does allow, a little bit of His light, to penetrate the darkness, in this passage-----His light comes in the form of very practical lessons that He wants us to learn and to teach our children and grandchildren about lust and love and family relationships and parenting; and about God’s character and His justice and His discipline and His sovereignty…. And while I’m sure, that if David could have controlled it, he would have wanted to shove the whole episode, deep into the back of a closet, never to be exposed------ but for our sakes and for David’s, God didn’t edit it out----He has it written into the Bible, very purposely, to show us, just how much we need a Savior….
That’s what makes the Bible so special, aside from being the written, true, word, of the Living God----it gives real people, with real flaws and real failures, a realistic look, at how God works, in the lives of other real people with real flaws and real failures… (Larry Richards says that, “that the annals of other ancient rulers glorify the their victories and ignore their defeats or personal flaws, but the Bible graphically describes David’s sins and weaknesses. David is no mythical hero; he is a flesh and blood human being, who’s great strengths, are matched by great weaknesses.”) We have to remember that in God’s eyes-----sin is sin is sin-----and even though we think, that what David and Amnon and Absolom did, is heinous------to God ----the selfishness and the fear and the gossip and the disregard of His desires, that are sins in our lives, are just as heinous!
As we study about the tough realities, that David’s family dealt with, it’s a reminder to us that no one is worthy of eternal life----except Jesus---if it weren’t for God’s grace----we could all be in the same exact shape as David’s family. Every single person is born in sin and fails to live up to God’s standard of righteousness. We all deserve the penalty of death. But our good God, in his mercy, provided the only solution, when He sent Jesus to die in my place, and in David’s and in yours….
David’s firstborn son, Amnon, fell madly in, what he thought, was love, but turned out to be, nothing but lust, with his beautiful half sister, Tamar. (Lust and love can be easily confused. Lust differs from love in that it is selfish and insensitive to the other person, whereas love only wants what is best, for the other person, and builds them up and encourages them.)
Amnon was consumed with desire for Tamar, to the point, that it made him physically sick----When his friend and cousin, a devious man named Jonadab, discovered why Amnon was so distraught, he cooked up a way, for Amnon to lure Tamar into bedroom, so that he could be alone with her. Amnon even used his sickness, to convince David, to allow Tamar, to come and cook him a meal, to aid in his recovery. After she had prepared the meal, he sent all the servants out of the room, because he didn’t want any witnesses.
So they were left alone, despite Tamar’s protests and her desperate appeal to Amnon’s sense of reason---and her willingness to marry him, if he would get her father’s permission.
But he was so blind with lust that he couldn’t hear or see anything but that, and he raped her.
Then, when it was all over, instead of doing the right thing, and marrying her to protect her reputation and to provide for her and protect her----he despised her and he sent her away to fend for herself, and to bear her disgrace alone. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, like David had with Bathsheba, Amnon acted like Tamar had brought it all on herself and had just gotten what she deserved----and he transferred any guilt, that he felt, into hatred for her. She cried bitterly as she tore the sleeves of her robe, which signified that she wasn’t a virgin anymore.
(Women, who lived in in 10 century BC, Israel, were practically powerless in society. They had no significant place in the social, religious or economic arenas of their world. They completely depended on the men in their families to provide them with food, shelter and protection. Even though Tamar was a princess, whose powerful father and many brothers, might have insulated her, against any danger from outside sources---- what Amnon did to her, stripped her, of all honor and hope, and injured her with the triple tragedy of, 1---losing her virginity, outside of marriage. 2. Making her a victim of incest---and 3. Making her lose all hope of ever marrying, since Amnon refused to comply, with God’s law, which clearly stated, that the rapist of a virgin, should marry his victim, or otherwise condemn her, to a life of being an unmarriageable outcast.)
Tamar ran to her brother, Absolom, and when he saw her, he correctly guessed what had happened to her. He instructed her to keep quiet for a while, so that he could deal with it, and then, he sent her, to hide out, at his house. He wanted to comfort her but he didn’t want her to turn a family matter, into a public scandal. (But God’s standard, for moral conduct, is not suspended, just because something might be a family matter------His standard of conduct, applies to all human behavior. What happened between Tamar and Amnon, should have been dealt with, in the proper way----Amnon should have been held accountable for his actions---David should have instructed him to repent and to seek out God’s forgiveness, and Tamar’s;----- and----- he and Absolom had every right and should have, forced Amnon to marry Tamar. )
Instead, when David heard about what had happened, scripture says that he was very angry, but that he didn’t take any action, to defend or console Tamar (that we know about) nor did he discipline Amnon in any way. And Absolom didn’t do anything about the crime, right away either----scripture says that he hated what Amnon had done to Tamar, but that he waited 2 years, and let his hatred and bitterness smolder into a towering rage, before he did anything about it, and when he finally did,----- killing his own brother, was every bit as bad as what Amnon had done to Tamar.
It’s interesting that David had secured the kingdom so well, that the thousands and thousands of people in Israel, were enjoying peace and safety and protection, like they never had before, but he couldn’t manage to keep his own daughter safe, within the walls of their home, nor instill the desire to obey God, in his son’s hearts.
Knowing David’s character, though, it is highly unlikely, that he would have deliberately mistreated or abused his children, but, by being an absentee parent,that is exactly what he did----
- David set a bad example for his sons to follow, when he began accumulating more than one wife, even before he became king. Growing up with a dad, who indulged his romantic passions, must have made it easier for Amnon, to indulge his lust, in violating his sister. We have to be so careful with our behavior, because a parent or a grandparent’s sinful ways, may establish patterns for sinful behavior, in the lives of their children.
- David failed to watch over his children: Providing safety for our children, is a fundamental duty of any parent. But the sheer size of David’s family; would have made it a full time job for him. He had 8 wives who are named in the Bible----and numerous, unnamed ones, along with multiple concubines. He had 20 sons and a number of daughters. The number of children would compel an attentive father to keep a close eye on them----but it seems like David suffered, from what a lot of successful, high-achieving dads, in our society do----he was too passive and it led to negligent mistakes----which are often the result of laziness or oversight or inconsistency or just plain lack of discipline------David was like many dads----and moms too----he was too busy and too preoccupied, so that he missed what was really going on with his children. David was preoccupied with government, wives and concubines, so he didn’t act decisively to correct the evil in his family----I think maybe, that he let the guilt for his own behavior with Bathsheba, keep him from disciplining his son when he was caught in a similar situation---- We can’t let our past behavior compromise the truth, that we know that God wants us to teach our children----just because we behaved in certain ways or made certain mistakes, doesn’t excuse us, from teaching our children and grandchildren, what God’s truth really is, and what His word really says. The Lord’s forgiveness gives us the authority, to teach them the truth, in spite of anything we’ve done in our past.
- David failed to instill God’s values in his sons: He failed to teach his children and to train them in God’s ways----
Even if he had gotten Nathan to teach them the do’s and don’ts of godly behavior, David seems to have failed to nurture a relationship with them, that would have helped them, understand why, following God’s rules are so important, which David, himself, certainly knew.
Plus, he hadn’t developed the trust and accountability with them, that he could have used, to nudge Amnon toward, acting with honor and integrity. Even if our children or grandchildren are raised in church, we have to teach them about obedience to God, and about having right character, and we have to live out, godly examples of it, in front of them. And, we have to tell them over and over again------
I love what it says in Deuteronomy 6:5-9 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about then when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
David would have known this passage in Deuteronomy, but he failed to obey it and it was the undoing of his family.
Absolom waited, and chose to get his men, to kill his brother, in a very public place. It was during a sheep-shearing celebration, at Baal-Hazor, which was attended by all of David’s sons. In the confusion, of the moment, all the other sons fled, in an all-out panic, to get back to Jerusalem. Word reached David and his servants that all the sons had ben killed -----and David was devastated! He tore his clothes and started grieving and lamenting------ the conniving Jonadab, who seemed to be in the right place, for all the wrong reasons, all the time----set the record straight----and laid the blame for Amnon’s death, at Absolom’s door---
We know that Absolom, was avenging Tamar by killing Amnon, but there might have also been an element of self-service for Absolom---If Amnon was taken out of the picture then Absolom would have been the next in line to the throne-----Absolom, clearly didn’t understand that only God would determine who the next king, after David, was going to be.
Meanwhile, Absolom chose to flee to Geshur to stay with his maternal grandfather, and was was in exile there for 3 years, until David admitted that he missed him, and had Joab bring him back to Jerusalem. Little did he know that their half-hearted reconciliation would end in even greater disaster.
II Absolom, Absolom 14;1-33
Billy was the younger of two sons in a middle class American family in the 1960s. Billy loved his father, but it seemed like his father loved his older brother a lot more than he loved him. His older brother was a great athlete who excelled in both baseball and football. The father gave lots of time and attention to helping the older brother develop his athletic skills, but he didn’t seem to spend much time with Billy.
Billy wasn’t good at any sport and he wasn’t a great student, either. However, he did seem to have some musical talent, and he began playing a musical instrument.
Beatings and verbal abuse were a common experience for Billy. As he tells it, it felt at times like his middle name was “stupid.”
When Billy was 15, his parents divorced. He chose to live with his mother. Throughout his high school years, he played in the high school band and became first chair trumpet and an instrumental soloist. But he never saw his father at a single concert and never received a fatherly compliment for his achievements, from his dad. That made him feel even more unloved, and he had no real contact with his father during those years.
Billy was in his twenties and married when he tried to reconnect with his father. By that time, the father had remarried, and lived 60 miles away. For 5 years Billy worked at trying to establish a good relationship with him, but each visit resulted in only more verbal abuse and criticism. After one particularly insulting outburst from his, then alcoholic father, the relationship abruptly ended.
Fifteen years passed before Billy saw his father again. He learned from his brother that his father was dying. His brother also told him that his father wanted to talk with him before he died. Billy made the long journey to the hospital. He hardly recognized his dad. Waking him gently, he asked did his father know him. “You’re my second son,’ he replied. “Do you know my name?” “Billy”, he said, and began to cry. Then, he told his son that he was sorry for all the things he had done to him. For the next few minutes, both men hugged and cried.
After a little while, they began to talk to each other. Billy’s father told him that he had attended many of Billy’s band performances, but felt ashamed to tell him, because he had heard that Billy’s stepfather was a better father than he was. Then for the first time in Billy’s life, his father said the words that Billy had always wanted to hear, “I was proud of you, son.”
“I’ve been looking for your approval all my life, Dad.” “You have it, son.”
Before the day ended, Billy’s father was also reconciled to his heavenly father, as he prayed with Billy, for his sins to be forgiven, and accepted the Lord Jesus as his Savior. A week later, Billy’s father died.
This painful story, which ended in reunion, reminds us of the story of Absolom and David. The same desire that motivated Billy to see his father again, is what drove Absolom to want to see David again. And, the desire that Billy’s father had, to see him again, was the same desire that David had, to see Absolom…
The phrase, “the king’s heart longed for Absolom” means that David’s grief over Amnon had abated to the point where revenge against Absolom didn’t haunt David’s thoughts any more. David wasn’t wrong to be angry, but he shouldn’t have let it go on so long----he should have long since gone to Geshur and confronted Absolom with his crime, and then held him accountable for it, by punishing him and then forgiving and restoring him-----But he didn’t-----unfortunately, David had forgotten how God had held him accountable, while at the same time forgiving and restoring him to Himself and to the joy of His salvation. When God forgives, He forgives completely----no strings attached and restores us immediately to Himself----David should have done the same thing….
Joab, David’s nephew and chief commander of his troops, used a subtle means to bring Absolom back from exile. 3 factors probably contributed to Joab’s desire to see David and Absolom reconciled: 1. He may have been concerned about helping David fulfill the desire of his heart. 2. He may have thought, that Absolom had the best chance of succeeding David to the throne. 3.He may have been concerned about what the friction between David and Absolom was doing to the morale and unity of the army.
Joab used the same technique that Nathan had used to get David’s attention---he used a back-door approach to show David the error of his ways and to encourage him to call Absolom home. He sent for a woman from Tekoa, a town about 10 miles south of Jerusalem, who was known for her wisdom. Joab instructed her to pretend like she was in mourning. He had her fabricate a story about her two sons---one killed the other one, and the family members were demanding the death penalty, for the remaining son---her concern was, that if she lost both boys, she would be left with no living heir, and her family line would become extinct. She pleaded with David for special intercession----and he granted her petition.
Then, the woman requested an additional word with David, and she disclosed what was really on her mind---and, I think, probably, Joab’s too-----
Which was------with Absolom in exile there was no clear successor to the throne and if David were to die, there would be no clear leader, and the woman represented the people of Israel who were afraid, that their enemies would be looking for any show of weakness, as an opportunity to attack them. David saw through her ruse, recognized that Joab was behind it, and gave in, and sent for Absolom to come home.
Judging by his treatment of Absolom, David brought him, back but he hadn’t really forgiven him. He placed him under house arrest, for 2 years and didn’t speak to him during that whole time. David’s behavior was a mistake, because all it did, was cause the bitter fruit of resentment to grow in Absolom’s heart----When we ignore sin, we experience much greater pain, than if we deal with it immediately.
Absolom had a lot going for him. He was a good-looking man, without a single flaw. He knew it and so did everybody else-----And apparently, his hair, was his crowning glory (it weighed 5 pounds when he would cut it from time to time)-----He had 3 sons and a beautiful daughter that he had named after his sister, Tamar----and they all added to his standing. He was a celebrity in Jerusalem, and even though he was a murderer, there were a lot of people who were willing to follow him.
He was handsome and charming like his father, but, he lacked David’s heart for God, and that would eventually be his undoing….
He was bold---he got tired of waiting on David, to receive him back into the fold, and to restore his royal status---so he set fire to Joab’s field to force Joab to pay attention to him ---and then he insisted on Joab getting David to receive him. His actions proved that he thought that he had been justified in his behavior, and that there was no evidence of remorse or a repentant heart.
Joab told David what Absolom had asked for. David’s wall of stubborn resistance was broken, and he was ready for reconciliation. He summoned Absolom into his presence and for the first time in 5 years he looked into the face of his oldest living son------
David had to know, that if he had done his job as a parent, in the first place, none of what happened, would have happened.-----Tamar would have been protected, Amnon wouldn’t have had the opportunity to rape her, Absolom wouldn’t have killed his brother-----maybe regret and the need to be forgiven, himself, were in the kiss he gave Absolom----we don’t know----but…
With that kiss, he restored Absolom into his good favor-----but it was too little, too late because Absolom was already plotting David’s downfall. Neither David nor Absolom, acknowledged what had transpired between them---if they had, maybe things would have turned out differently---but neither one did----
We can’t treat sin as though it never happened. It won’t just go away on its own. We can pretend like David did, that there isn’t a problem, and we can try and make things go back to the way that they were-----but eventually, and inevitably, unconfessed and undealt-with sin, will rear its ugly head, and will hurt everybody that it touches. Sin has to be acknowledged before the Lord, and repented of----but, we can’t make someone else do the right thing----we can’t be their Holy Spirit----but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can behave the way we’re supposed to, regardless of the way another person behaves------and then we just have to trust the Lord, to work all things together, for the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose.
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