February 5, 2014
Jesus and Marriage and Divorce
Mark 10:1-12
The day before Thanksgiving, an elderly man in Phoenix called His son in NYC and said to him, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, 45 years of misery is enough. We’re sick of each other, and are finally ready to call it quits-----and I need you to call your sister in Chicago and tell her.
Frantic, the son called his sister, who exploded on the phone----“That’s not gonna happen! They’re not getting divorced! I’ll take care of this!!! So, she called her parents in Phoenix immediately-----when her father answered ----she blasted him with “You are not getting a divorce---don’t do anything, til I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow----until then, don’t do a thing!!!! Do you hear me?
When the man hung up the phone, he turned to his wife and said, “Ok honey, we did it, the kids are coming for Thanksgiving and they’re paying for their flights.”
Hahahahahahaha----we laugh but the truth is, divorce is a real problem in our world-------and there is no easy answer for it. We don’t understand it, and we don’t know what to do with it and we hate it for what it does to everybody it touches. Malachi 2:16 says, that God hates divorce too----He doesn’t hate the divorcee, He hates divorce----He also hates alcohol, but loves the alcoholic and He hates lying, but He loves the liar and He hates sin, but He loves the sinner. God hates anything that causes problems, and turmoil and discord and disunity and heartache in our lives------and the people who hate divorce the most, I am sure, are the people, who have experienced it in some way, in their own lives---- children caught between warring parents, people who divorced before they became believers, people caught in abusive situations or situations of adultery-----people caught in some situations that are so convoluted that its hard to know how to apply biblical principle to them, but divorce seems necessary, none the less. Divorce is hard….
Because divorce has always been such a disheartening blight on society and such a contributor to the breakdown of the family, it should only be employed as an absolute last resort----and even saying, that it’s a last resort, makes me feel guilty because, I know what the scripture says, about divorce, and I know that it isn’t God’s best or His desire for us, even though it is permitted. But the truth is, divorce is here; it is a fact in our lives. We know what our world tells us about divorce, but until this lesson, did we know what Jesus says about it?
Self-fulfillment is a buzzword in our world today….that’s what our culture, right now, is telling us, that life is all about----making sure that everything we do, meets our needs and fulfills us, and makes us happy. And divorce is an excuse that a whole lot of people use, to find, what they see as self-fulfillment and happiness and something they deserve.
But it’s a lie----putting our own happiness or self-fulfillment, before obedience, is wrong, and it reduces God’s Word and His guidance and His direction, to nothing more than just a way to meet our emotional needs. God does care about our well-being, but He isn’t biting His fingernails over our happiness, because He’s more concerned with our obedience to Him, than He is our happiness. 1st Samuel 15:22 says that “God desires obedience, more than actual worship.” As Believers, God’s truth should always direct our every decision-----because, the real path to fulfillment, can only be found, in surrendering our hearts to the Lord Jesus.
So we’re going to talk about it today, in the context of what God’s intention for marriage is….and why He even allowed Moses to write instructions about divorce as part of the Law, in the first place.
The Pharisees who tried to trap Jesus with the divorce question, knew that it was a hot, controversial topic with two schools of thought-----and they knew, that however He answered their question, He would be stuck, because there was only one, really, right answer-------that, no divorce would please the Lord------but divorce was written into the Law of Moses, so it was allowed by God, and they thought it was up to the rabbis to interpret what the law meant….. so, they knew that Jesus would be offending one group or the other, and that, that offense, could be used, to get rid of Him. It might even get Him in trouble with Herod, because disagreeing with Herod’s interpretation of divorce, and remarriage, is what got John the Baptist beheaded.
The controversy, centered around the interpretation of a phrase in Deuteronomy 24:1, It’s the only passage in the Old Testament that states the grounds or procedures for divorce. The verse says, “Suppose a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him, having discovered something indecent about her, he writes her a certificate of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her on her way.” The problem was with the phrase, “something indecent “about her. The burning question in Jesus’ day was, what exactly constituted indecency?
The very liberal rabbinical school of Hillel, gave it a very wide interpretation----they said a man could divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner, or walked around with her hair down or spoke to another man on the street, or said something that the husband considered to be disrespectful about his parents, or if he found another woman who was more beautiful, or a woman who could give him more children.
The more conservative school of Shammai limited “something indecent” to offenses that were related to marital impropriety, (short of adultery), like having too much skin exposed, in public, or it being discovered that the wife had had premarital sex----adultery was not included in this law, because the law about adultery said, that adultery was punishable only by death.
The truth is, God allowed Moses, to include the divorce instructions, to protect woman----because if a husband turned her out, without a certificate of divorce, she had no way of supporting herself, except by begging or prostitution----women were considered to be men’s property. So, with the divorce papers in her hand, she was free to remarry, it made her legal and legitimate, and took some of the stigma of being rejected away.
Jesus didn’t argue with the Pharisees, He didn’t allow Himself to get caught up in their pointless, futile conversation---- He just directed them to that passage in Deuteronomy----and then He directed them to Genesis 2:21-24 reminding them, of God’s creation of Adam and Eve, and His perfect design for marriage, beginning with them. Jesus always used the truth, of God’s Word, to answer questions… and He still does…. we just have to look in the scripture, and we will find the answers we seek and need. When we line up decisions and questions with God’s Word----the truth will suddenly become crystal clear. (I will never forget the first time I knew that the Lord was specifically answering my question with His Word----Mary Kathryn was 4 and we were researching kindergartens-----the school I kept coming back to was a private school with a headmaster, who was known to be notoriously eccentric---I was reluctant to send her there because of his reputation---but the day before we were to pay our money to register the Lord spoke to me from Isaiah 54:22-----“not to worry about the man, that all my children would be educated by the Lord and their peace would be great…” I was floored, but we were obedient, and the Lord was faithful to keep His promise-----and now, on this side of all 3 of my children’s education, I still marvel at God’s immediate answer to me and His continued guidance as they each went to other schools and even the colleges they attended---I never stopped seeing His hand----- and it helps me trust Him even more…)
Jesus explained to the Pharisees, and everybody listening to Him, that Moses had to give the people the law, about divorce, because of the sinfulness of the human heart. Man will always do what man wants to do….. God recognizes that, and in His great mercy, chooses to protect us from ourselves…So, in giving the commandment to Israel, God wasn’t putting His stamp of approval on divorce or even encouraging it-----what He was doing, was trying to put something in place that could restrain it, and make it more difficult for men to divorce their wives. He didn’t want women, who, also, were created in His image, to become victims, of a husband’s hard-hearted emotional whims.
Then, Jesus took them back beyond Moses, to when He had created Adam and Eve…. “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, no man should separate them.” In the beginning, divorce was not even conceivable.
Jesus quoted from Genesis, to emphasize 3 things: 1.) marriage is between one man and one woman, clearly and distinctly;---2.) marriage is an intimate relationship----in a very physical way, marriage affords the deepest intimacy that is possible in an earthly relationship-----the basis of the marriage relationship is that intimacy----where two become one flesh—And 3.) marriage was designed to be a permanent relationship--- it is a bond that should remain as long as the couple are alive----only death should be able to sever it…
The account in Genesis, is God’s ideal------and after Adam and Eve fell from grace, the ideal was still the same---that has never changed-----after the fall, we know that there were some things that weren’t possible anymore----but in regards to marriage-----that standard hasn’t changed-----and I think God left it in tact, so that it would be one of our greatest blessings, as we walk through the cursed, sin-filled world, on our way back to Him.
When they went inside for the night, the disciples continued to question Jesus about His answers to the Pharisees-----they seemed to be totally confused, that Jesus seemed to be telling them, that the only real reason that divorce and remarriage were permitted, was in the case of infidelity.
In one fell swoop, Jesus had disputed both schools of thought about divorce----In Matthew’s account of this incident, in chap. 19, the disciples were so blown away, because divorce was such a casual part of their lives, that they made the comment, “if people couldn’t get a divorce, then it would be better to stay single and never marry at all”……….but Jesus told them, that people can’t stand being single, unless God helps them, or unless they are eunuchs.
So, people need to pray long and hard before they marry------ and after they marry, people need to realize, that we fall in and out of love with our mates a thousand times, but we have to choose to love them all the time----we can be so irritated with them, that we want to pull their ears off---- and then, they can do something so singularly sweet, that they endear themselves to us, and we fall in love with them all over again…
( Dale has given me reason to fall in love with him over and over again for the last 34 years----but one particular one is when our one and only dog Freckle got sick and had to be hospitalized----now you have to understand----Dale did not want a dog in the house, and he allowed her there, only as a concession to the children and me ---plus, do you know how much it costs to keep an animal, overnight, in an emergency hospital? Dale didn’t say a word, but I knew he was thinking-----how long is this going to last and how much is it gonna cost my pocketbook?
Anyway, the next morning, I had gone to the seminary for graduation, and I couldn’t go by the hosp to check on her ----and it was around noon before I got the opportunity to call about her----when I did, the tech told me she was doing great---and had especially perked up when her visitors got there---I couldn’t imagine who the visitors were, until she described the big man and the teenage boy dressed in baseball uniforms-that Freckle had struggled to sit up for----and in an instant, I fell in love with Dale all over again…)
Divorce should be a last resort----not an easy out and not justification for self-fulfillment and happiness-----Marriage wasn’t created to make us happy---it was created to make us holy----so that we could encourage each other to always look to the Lord first, and to keep each other accountable to Him, and to work through our difficulties, together, not run from them, so that we grow spiritually and emotionally------plus, two are always better than one, as we walk down the road….
In 1st Corinthians 7:8-16 Paul talks a little more about marriage and divorce----he encouraged people, if they were already married, to stay married, if at all possible, especially if a believer is married to an unbeliever-----because the believer’s winsome ways can influence the spouse and the children to learn to trust the Lord as their Savior…
Not always does faith prevail, but many times it does. (I have a friend who was married to an unbeliever, and for 25 years, she faithfully served the Lord, by herself----she taught bible study, took her children to church, and spoke the Lord’s name with sweetness and boldness;
she tried to include her husband, but she was careful to never push him to far, or to let the practice of her faith, offend him if she could help it-----and then one Easter Sunday morning, he yielded his life to Jesus, as his Lord and Savior, and she rejoiced….and then after only a couple of years he passed away, very young, in his early 50s of cancer---and my friend is so joyfully grateful that she knows where he is.) but, Paul does go on to say, that if the unbelieving spouse leaves the marriage, then divorce and remarriage are permissible.
I found a paragraph, from a sermon on line, Pastor Glenn Pease, that I think we all could benefit from hearing, whether we’re struggling with our spouses now , have struggled with them in the past or will struggle with them in the future….
It’s titled, “ Marrying All Over Again”
It goes like this, “As monogamists, we think that we only marry one mate, but the truth is, we all marry a number of people, because our mates keep changing, and we have to adjust to those changes and learn to love a different person, than the one we married. Through the years, all mates change, and sometimes it can be hard to adjust, because your mate may not be the person now, that you expected them to be for life.
You have to fall in love again with a new person. Those who cannot adjust, often choose divorce. All couples go through periods where they are in the process of deciding if they can love the new and different person they seem to be married to.
This is where the choosing to love, becomes the power to hold the couple together. If love is allowed to fade, and there’s no effort to rekindle the flame of passion, or they let resentment and bitterness and neglect, cloud their minds and hearts, then, there is a danger that they may not make it. But those who are committed to each other and to the Lord, will make it through, because they work at keeping the love alive.
Divorce is a refusal to remarry the new person your mate has become. A good and long marriage, is developed by a commitment to keep on
loving and being willing to remarry the mate you have, no matter how often they change.”
The bottom line is…..divorce is with us---it has touched all our lives in some way----but it is not God’s ideal for us----He designed us to be one woman for one man, till He takes us home----but because sin entered the world and mankind began to go their own way--- God allowed divorce, as a safeguard for women-----and He still allows it, to safeguard women and men----but it should not be entered into casually or unadvisedly-----but after much prayer and soul-searching and direction from the Lord------there is no doubt that the Lord, in His mercy, continues to bless us after divorce and remarriage, but in His great goodness, divorce, is not what He wants for anybody.
Jesus clearly gave God’s ideal intention for marriage, in Genesis, priority, over Moses’ permission for divorce----
And, He didn’t cancel the teaching of Deuteronomy. So it seems that there are exceptions----unfaithfulness; or when an unbelieving spouse leaves a marriage-----and even though He doesn’t say it here, I can’t imagine that He would want a spouse to stay in a marriage, where there is abuse, Jesus doesn’t elaborate, on permissible reasons…..But He does lead us to believe, that, divorce is not a good thing it isn’t God’s best for us----it severs a holy union---and the Lord has such a high view of marriage, it surely requires that divorce, always, be the last resort.
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